Why Your Partner Isn’t Initiating Sex, According To Science


One of the biggest problem causers in a relationship is a lack of intimacy. Usually, one partner is always the one to initiate, yet the other person is either never in the mood or always “too tired.” Here, we discuss the reasons why your partner never seems to want to initiate sex, and what to do about it.

Intimacy. Few things are more painful than getting denied intimacy from your partner. It can be a huge blow to your self-esteem, and can cause your relationship to fall to the wayside. But chances are, you aren’t the reason why your partner doesn’t want to have sex.

Therapy. If the underlying problem is deeply psychological, it might be time to seek professional help either from a relationship expert or sex therapist.

Work. If your partner is heavily involved in his career or it has just recently begun to take off, he may be too focused on that to think about anything else. According to Psychology Today, “when men are passionately involved with their careers, they can sublimate sexual excitement that would normally be directed toward their wives.”

Masturbation. He might be spending too much time alone with his laptop. He might not want to sit around and wait for you to come home and give him what he wants, so he takes matters into his own hands.

Pride. According to Psychology Today, he might not want to compromise his pride either. “Some men feel exquisite vulnerability at being dependent on another person for their desire to be quenched,” says Laurie J Watson, for Psychology Today.

Worry. Some men suffer from chronic erectile dysfunction, and he might be worried that he won’t be able to perform when the time comes. This problem can be solved simply by talking about it and reassuring him that you won’t be upset or think any less of him if it does happen.

Past. Another reason could be that he’s suffering from past anxieties that haven’t been resolved yet. Perhaps he got turned down frequently as a teen and is still dealing with the effects it had on his ego.

Rejection. Because of his past, he may be fearful that you will reject him too. “You might stop initiating sex altogether rather than face the possibility of rejection,” says Dr. Dudley Danoff, as reported by the Huffington Post.

Age. A reduced libido happens more often the older people get. “When they’re younger, most people expect and want sex, but as they get older, some people decide it’s optional,” says professor Pepper Schwartz, as reported by the Huffington Post.

Healing. Problems in the bedroom don’t necessarily mean that your relationship is doomed. There are certain approaches you can take to begin the healing process, and rekindle your relationship.

Foreplay. Engage in lengthy foreplay. Even if it doesn’t lead to anything else, it might help to take the pressure off that he needs to please you because you’re too focused on pleasing him.


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